very personal.

my name is Pattra, which in my language (Thai) means grace, excellent, and civilized. and i am civilized, i’m better than excellent, though not so graceful. i just got out of my teenage years and i dread not having lived them to the fullest. at the same time i’m glad i was in control and never lost my way.

family is the most important part of my life. immediate family, that is. i can’t care less about some others, and i can’t have any worse regret than having to share a blood bond with some. friends come second. me comes third. see? i’m not super selfish at all. everything significant in life, every important decision, i base it upon my family’s happiness, opinion, and approval. i won’t be happy with the greatest, most luxurious, most valuable thing on earth if they had to suffer one bit.

my life is constantly up and down, though never physically to the extreme level. in fact, i have it on the much better than average side of the scale. emotionally, i hit my highs and lows quite thoroughly. i have my terror-ful nights and days when memories and imaginations haunt me to no sleep. i have my most boring days which consist of waking up, lying there reading, and sleeping again. i also have my most novel-like days like a sweet gesture from a cute med student wanting to talk to me in a coffee shop.

i’m a do-gooder, but i’m only human. i love with my whole heart and i hate with my whole being. i look down upon those who are capable but do not take care of themselves. i’m not any better than average looking, but i do take care of myself. i may be sloppy at times, because i’m lazy, but i’m generally a perfectionist. i’m strong, but i have my weak moments. i’m sophisticated, but i have my bad days. i’m punctual, but i don’t have control over traffic or tragics, and i hate morning classes. i’m a woman, but i have balls – though of course not literally.

i love donating blood and i wish i could do it more often than every two months. i treat nice and hard-working people the way they deserve. i treat my friends with more respect than anyone would ever witness. i offer the most sincere comments and help, though i will get back at those who take advantage of my kindness. i love love. i have only had one boyfriend in my entire life; together for two and a half almost always happy years. i used to hope and dream of ‘true love’ and ‘the one’ but i lost that childishness. i woke up, and i grew practical and realistic. i realize that shit happens and things could be over any second, so i cherish the moment and not daydream of what could become.

on the outside i may seem depressing, quiet, and hostile to a mild degree. i get like that on the inside too. but i still believe i’m nicer than most, and people enjoy my company on a more personal level than laughing together and having small talks when brushed passed each other. however, i’m very easily irritated, and i most definitely like my personal space more than i like you, so don’t get in without permission. if i want you, i will come to you.

in my free time i listen to music. i read. i surf internet every chance i get. i prefer texting than actually talking on the phone. i like writing, and i like responses to my writing, so comment on my blog if you have read it. i like watching movies. i like watching brainless TV shows. i dread school work as badly as the next person. procrastination is what i do best. i love dogs. i used to like Photoshop more than i do now. photography too. i may know a little more about cars than your average young woman/grown teenage girl, but i don’t have a passion for it. i like being correct and dislike being corrected, but if you have good reasons i will respectfully accept. i like both male and female. i like looking at beautiful people and i get nervous around them. good thing my major doesn’t have many of those, if at all.