i kinda think the “wow, it’s been so long since i last blogged!” opening line is getting a little old.. but wow, it HAS been a long time since i last blogged – considering the consistency in which i once used to blog before.
either way, there’s been this tiny little buggy feeling in the back of my mind that i can’t seem to put to rest completely. and in the vein hope that publishing (to no readers) would help me get that little peace of mind.
this story begins with a friend i have in San Francisco, who is originally from Thailand. said friend’s name is A.
A is in his very late 20′s -as in, he is turning 30 next summer- kind of late. and A happened to be stuck in SF for the summer. a small favour asked by him, who had helped me through all the hard tasks in each semester both classroom related and not, is just so easy for me to do. he only wanted me to take a shirt, and a pair of shoes back to Thailand with me, and he’d have someone pick those up, as well as trading something for me to carry back to him.
easy-wheezy. i agreed.
a friend of A’s who was to do the exchange got my number from him. a door-to-door salesman, from what i gathered. most definitely A’s age. said friend of A’s is named P. it turned out that P wanted to do the exchanging on the day i made plans to go out, so i sent P to my mother, at her office.
no problem there.
the salesman left a brochure of his products with my mom, without so much as a word. it took a phone call from me to find out he saw an opportunity to sell his shit -excuse my language- to my mom’s office.
not so much of a problem there. (except the fact that he struck me as a very unpromising and unqualified direct-salesperson. )
later that evening, i got home to find a facebook friend request from P. okay, friend of a respected friend.. no problem there. yet.
few days later, i got on facebook, and i saw right on the very homepage, that P had made an effort to talk to A on his wall. with a post that said (translated) – “Dude, I saw —-’s pictures. I can’t do THAT.” can you fill in the blank?
well, if you even read this in the first place, chances are, you guessed my name into the blank spot. you got that right.
so i wrote a little comment right back, saying “you might wanna make sure i don’t see this, handsome.” and a minute later, the whole post disappeared.
just to make matters worse, a few days later, another package addressed to me came to the office, and it seemed no one knew where it came from as the thick-faced isn’t so thick after all and just dropped it off.
let me tell you, if you don’t already know.. the guy is 30. ugly enough to need help from his long-distance friend to find a girl. the guy saw a few pictures of me, and just disgustedly dismissed me as a potential girl. and on a more important note; i had absolutely NO idea when accepting to do him the little favour, that A had such hidden agenda, or never had i thought he would have any.
hey, between the two of you, there’s literally about two decades ahead of me, and i have more dignity than that.
as for A, i have a little speech prepared for him. it goes something like this: “Hey, A. Thanks for your concern and your taking interest in my love life. I know you tried because you meant well, and I truly appreciate it. But lets stop here, okay? As for your -friend- two things: one; there isn’t a need for us to ever meet in this lifetime, so I sure hope it ends here.. and two; as an older person and as a fellow human-being, he had lost all the rights to my slightest of respect. So again, thanks.. but no, thanks.”
this thing happened about a month ago, and yet i still have that itchy feeling in my throat when i think about it. sure still gets me mad at some point.
it’s harder for me than an average 21 year old female to let go.
and as i know i have great friends who value me for who i am, and nicely showed that they appreciate -despite the fact that i can’t tell if they did it through gritted teeth- how i look, and great friends who kept telling me that the dude is a jerk and is in no way deserving of a mili-thought.. and great parents who would always stand by me, and great brother who chuckled at my comebacks for the guys.. i also can’t help but think, and feel bad, that my pictures alone can drive away a complete stranger. (seriously, facebook pictures were carefully selected.) i also can’t help but wonder what had been said between them, about me, especially by a friend who i respected so well.
and more importantly.. i can’t understand the fact that an acceptably -ugly- fully-grown man is enough of an imbecile to degrade a member of his mother’s gender without having ever met her. how he could live this long without getting his tongue cut off and eyes gorged out, i can’t fathom.
now, if you care enough to tell me.. am i THAT bad? physically and mentally? because the other side of this story is, i got rejected by a girlfriendless, quite bad-looking 30 year old that i’d never even met.
but yeah.. i’m now judging you as a very, very bad case in my book. good riddance.
Jeeb
August 4, 2010
Fuck him or fuck it!
here’s something to think about:
“Our minds can play mean tricks on us, so it is important not to identify with any of that potential & hazardous thought up there. Evil thoughts such as, “I’m not good enough,” “I’m too tired or high strung for that” Or worse, “I’m ugly” can create ourselves as exactly those thoughts. Instead, embrace that you at this very moment are perfect. Affirm to your Self, “I am f—ing Awesome!” The culmination of billions of years of evolution has created this moment with you in it — and quite a lucky star you are to experience all this.”-JM