another promise, another scene. another packaged lie to keep us trapped in greed.

i hope i’m not fooling myself thinking that i’ve come a long way since childhood.

although i’m still childish in more ways than one, i’m still irresponsible about things that should matter, i’m still enjoying the brainless laughter that most people my age and older would not hesitate to frown upon.. i still think i’ve come a long way, i’ve learned many lessons, i’ve earned my title as a grown person.

somehow, along the way, i still think i’ve lost so many things that used to make me ‘me’. in the process of growing up to be who i am today, i gained, and i sacrificed parts of my being. and the rest of those parts are mourning for that loss.. dramatic as it seems, may i ask this question: is there anyone that does not miss the child within themself?

when you look back, there are regrets, there are embarrassments, there are unknown facts that you happily discovered and learned and you were happy to know more and more. and now, don’t you wish you didn’t know some things? don’t you wish you were still naive enough to not know some sort of pain, seen some kind of tragic, heard some unpleasant sound, and so on? well, i do. as grateful as i am about everything i’ve got, i sit and ponder. i never really thought i’d like me if i were someone else and had to meet me. i never really appreciated how much tolerance my parents and any other authority figures must have had. i never really understood why friendship never lasted. and now i just wish i could do it all over again.

i completely lost my point, sorry. it wasn’t supposed to come out like that. i didn’t plan on blogging about that. i’ve been spending my days and nights doing useless things and doing the bare minimum of whatever assignments given. i’ve been living the past few weeks thinking i no longer live under any stress, at least not since the last crisis. but i guess i’ve got more than that underneath. somewhere that i actually had to dig to see.

i guess that’s part of what i miss.. the one layer thoughts, instead of holes and bumps and obstacles all over.

Tagged: emo

Posted in: random rambling