this is a public service announcement, this is only a test.

so i’ve been back in Thailand only a few weeks, went out a few times, and already i’ve found myself in a few situations involving restaurant services or lack there of…. really, what’s with the ‘fuck the world’ attitude and the ‘i serve what i want, how i want, and when i want to’ standards? if you’re incapable of handling customers, then really.. quit your minimal pay part time, and go do something that requires no contact with other people, like plaque cleaning. but then again, you’ll need to start with yourself.

admittedly, i’m one to really have no patient whatsoever with the service providers who would do everything in their power to make sure no one would want to come back and can’t wait for their employers to go out of business . i’m not hard to please, seriously. i talk to you clearly, politely, with a huge smile plastered on my face.. why? because eating at a restaurant, i consider it a special occasion, meeting up with the people i love and care and miss with all my heart, spending time catching up with each other, enjoying the laughter and smile of my family. why would i bother to go out of my way and cause you the worst possible misery? so when i’m nice, i don’t think it’s appropriate, or even acceptable, for a service provider, whose service i pay fully for, to treat me like crap.

a few examples so far:

Akiyoshi – a waitress whom i saw smiled and laughed to her colleagues, made a face when we ordered more food, and handed the plates with such attitude that made me want to put those plates on her head with enough force to break them, and the food side down. hey, i asked nicely.

Zen – three waitresses who made the faces everytime they got called by any table. three waitresses who had no understanding that if there are empty plates on a full table and there is no more space for new dishes, you need to take those empty ones away, not leave the customers to hold them for you and walk away when you finish putting down the food, with the customers still holding the empty plates. three waitresses who knew not of the difference between food that has been left cold and food that has been re-heated. one waitress whose attitude involve raising her voice and wore extreme annoyance expression on her face when the customers made sure she got the right order down on that little piece of paper. one waitress who answered customers’ questions without any common sense whatsoever.

Central Temporary Food Booth – this is how the conversation went:

me: is this crispy pork freshly made?
lazy fat guy: *yawns* they deliver it day by day. i don’t know how long ago they made it.
me: is it any good?
lazy fat guy: *yawns* i don’t know.
me: huh..
lazy fat guy: try it then.
me: okay, thank you. *takes one bite* isn’t it supposed to be crispier?
lazy fat guy: i don’t know. i’m only a seller.

yeah, well with the whole “i’m fat and lazy and i don’t care if this shit sells” attitude, you’re not selling me anything. it might not sound so bad a conversation when i type it out like this, but you would understand me a little better if you had to deal with him yourself.

a friend of mine told me that i have an attitude and lack of patience towards these things (or people).. and i do voice, or project, my emotions in your face. she’s correct. i believe that if someone does something wrong, they deserve to know that. it will only make the world a better place if everybody knows their mistakes and care to correct them. i’d like people to do the same to me. correct me if i’m wrong. there’s always room for improvement.

so far so great, get with it.

my answer from a discussion in one of the online classes:

How important (or not) is your connection to your home to you?

Does it create your beliefs, your art?

To me, home is where I’m used to. Home is where my family is used to, where they choose to root themselves on. I may not be so proud of the political situation and the selfish society with bad traffic manners, but if this is where my family chooses, it is home.

Being the only one in the family who moves around all the time, I have lived in dormitories, in apartments. Back in San Francisco as an on-campus student, there’s a place I call ‘home’ it is a one bedroom apartment where no one comes in and invade my silence, my privacy. I can blast my own kind of music. I can watch brainless kids show. I can cry my heart out, without the fear of being interrupted or judged. I can do this here in Thailand too, with a plus as shoulders to cry on, people to sing with, people to laugh at brainless jokes with.

There are different things that make these two places appreciable, but they’re both home nontheless. They are where I have to wear no masks nor nod in agreements with things I barely understand and have interest in.

I choose to go into art because of the family business and agreements. All my inspirations come from the things I always saw at home. All my designs are to make these people who live in my ‘home’ proud. Someone once asked me what I expected from Industrial Design School at Academy of Art University, I said: ‘I just hope, that by the time I’m done with this, I’m half as good as my dad and are still willing to learn what he has to teach.’ On a monthly basis, I get to talk to my dad, report to him and try and show him the process of my work. Nearly everyday other than that, would be my mother, who not only offers knowledge of what she sees dad does, but also support and care. On random occasions, my brother offers himself as a role model and gives forceful advice, with a more modern way of thinking that works in every-day situations. It may be a connection through the world wide web, but it keeps our bonds strong, and probably even stronger without littlest things to take away from it.

you had your dreams, i had mine.

you had your dreams, i had mine..

since two different worlds can’t exist on the same plane, i guess it’s time to take them apart. let this be a good ending, so losing doesn’t hurt as much. let this ending be here and now, when i’m home with my family, so at least i’ve got someone. let this end easy, while i’m still blaming myself for my own stupidity, before i decided to turn around and blame you. because then, i won’t be the only one who burns.

you can help me through this by doing this much for me now.. now that i’m still numb all over. now that i know i will have support when i finally fall down and cry. now that i’m still burning myself because of everything that happened.

i only chose to see you the way i wanted to see, the way i expected things to be in a relationship. i’m sorry i expected too much. i’m sorry my blindness not only caused us pain, but also cost us time.

i’m sorry, i’m blind again. i can’t type anymore. goodbye.

i’m your hell, i’m your dream.. i’m nothing in between.

after having an episode today – thanks to my illness – i feel i owe it to somebody to apologize. it’s probably not something so nice to blog about, but i feel like blogging right now, so there.

if you’re a close enough friend of mine, or if you’ve read my blog before, especially around this time of the year til about a few months ago, you should know i’ve got some triggers for sensitivity. these triggers happen to be quite sensitive as well.. and when i act up, i really do act up. for a certain someone, being with me is probably like trying to walk through a mine field. it’s quite dangerous. once you took the wrong step, you’d get hurt. you’d also break away another part of the field you’re walking on.

this being said, let me explain something..

you all can see, i’m really nothing better than average. i do try, on my good days, but not most of the time. i do try physically and mentally just to look better and actually ‘be’ better. i have my own beliefs, and i’m not talking religious believes. i believe in my own reasons.

hey, i like that.. i believe in my own reasons.

it might sound superficious to you, but then again, i have to believe that my reasons are solid enough, and that everyone should try to see things from my perspective.

i’ve been through a lot more than your average 20-year old.

certainly, it doesn’t mean i’m better. certainly, it doesn’t mean i’m smarter. certainly, it doesn’t mean i’m any more mature than you are, if you were 20 years old, at least. certainly, i’m not making any sense right now. but the point is, i don’t want you to underestimate me.

hence, my bitterness gets in the way from time to time, especially when i let insecurity wins. i have a lot of reasons to be bitter and a lot of things to be bitter for. it’s not good, and i can suppress those feelings by ignoring them, most the time. i can also suppress those feelings with the happiness that was streamed to me by my loved ones.. today, i just couldn’t.

it happened to be a sick day. i was lying in bed, not dared to walk down the stairs to get food in the fear of falling. my stomach moved like it hadn’t in months, since after the surgery when the doctor took out the fluid drain line. energy was drifting off of me every second, and yet i was unable to sleep. my limbs were numb, but my stomach pain never dulled.

when you’re like that, and someone teases you on the subject of your insecurity. something that triggers the old, unpleasant memories.. what would you do?

would you understand if i said i’m only human?

this is a brand new day

aloha, chao-loke. it’s been a while..

quick update since i have to leave this computer really soon, the bestest of news in quite a long time – with the exception of my brother’s 3.2 MBA graduation from SDSU – Stephanie gave birth this morning, 8:38am to be exact, to a beautiful baby girl with a beautiful name, Annabelle Rose. both the mother and daughter are healthy and recovering. i did try to call and leave a message on Steph’s phone. it was hard to contain the excitement..

if you get to read this, my most amazing sis, i would like to say, once again, CONGRATULATIONS! i love you! there are so many more things to say but i need to go. love you! take care! love you!!!!

every time we say goodbye, i wish we had one more kiss

*sigh*

i miss Seb.

let’s go into twilight

sunset at La Jolla Beach – San Diego, CA

this isn’t me, this isn’t you, this is everything but true

New Moon’s poster of the Quileutes, found on imdb.com

in this picture: Sam, Paul, Jared, and Embry

tell me if i’m the only one hearing this poster scream ‘บางระจัน’?

for a Hollywood movie to come up with a poster that matches Thai movie quality, i have two words: low budget

oh, i’ll tremble for my love, always.

is it just me or did everybody fall in love with Chuck’s epic doings for Blair in the past two episodes?

*melts*

this is the part where we start to feel better

so all my classes are done. i only need to log in to the online class and take that exam. took a peek of it the other day and i freaked out. haha.

4 down, 1 to go.

so lately i’ve been answering random forums on pantip.com, mainly about food and languages. it’s pretty interesting. lots of things other people posted are real informative and quite useful. most others are senseless. either way, my stats went crazy high

tomorrow: DMV driving test. California, here i come drivin’!

edit: ALL DONE. friggin aced that exam, bitches! 97%!